the answers to the questions

i look around to find
that once again
I'm alone and hurting inside

I'm lost in this world
and no one hears my cries
here with only me myself and i

i want to say how i feel
i want to let it out
i keep on searching
but my feelings cant be found

for once i find no answers
to the meanings of my words
i know that God is with me
but his voice can not be heard

Lord i know you love me
but i hurt so very bad
i know your with me always
and i know you always have

its easy to say i understand
but its very hard to do
i don't know where my life is going
but i know I've got to count on you

your my only hope
of getting through this pain
i hand you every tear i cry
Lord use them for your gain

i don't know where life's journey
is gonna take me next
i don't know if tomorrow
I'll take my final breath

i don't know why
i don't understand
but maybe if i don't know
is why i let you take my hand

maybe all my questions
aren't meant to be answered
but maybe your love
was the answer all along

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living in the real world

people say the real world
is living on your own
taking care of bills
paying for your home

when they think of the real world
i think they get confused
the real world isn't turning 18
or paying for your own shoes

when i think of the real world
i think of pain and sorrow
not knowing who will survive
or if you'll ever see tomorrow

to live in the real world
means to make mistakes
and learn from each and every one
that you continue to make

living in the real world
is thinking for yourself
making all the choices
and asking when you need help

both world bring struggle
peoples world and mine
but i will keep on messing up
and learning from it every time

GLASSES!!!!!

i have glasses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what do you think of them?????????? i have old 80's glasses!!!!!!!!!!! but hey......i can C better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if i were a hero

if i were a hero
i would save the world
id start with every homeless one
then every boy and girl

id find a cure for cancer
id make them feel alright
id bring peace to people
id settle every fight

i wouldn't sleep a wink
until each person fed
no one would be without a meal
hunger no person would dread

i am not a hero
i can not save the world
but i can help a homeless one
and love a boy or girl

i am not a hero
but i can do my part
give a meal
feed someone
help a lonely heart

i am not a hero
but i can spread the word
save someone through Jesus Christ
lead them to the lord

i have a little voice
not many can hear
but i will live to serve you Lord
Jesus i am here

Yet another poem (no name)

here is yet another poem.again its not perfect but it gets the point across. this one is for every kid who's felt helpless.
this poem needs a name. what should it be?



throwing up
is what i do best
high temperatures
and a hospital dress

I've always been
the sickest one
while everyone else
is having fun

many times
I've knelt and prayed
asking god
why this is how I'm made

I've cried
Ive moaned
lord i feel so alone
why cant i be healed

i want to run
i want to play
and never need to stop
i love you lord
with all my heart
your my favorite pop

but god I'm so exhausted
I'm tired of this pain
but god I'll keep on going
and I'll go in Jesus name

thank you lord
for all you've done
i know this is your plan
and even though
its hard sometimes
i think i understand

if i could slow down time

this is another poem that i wrote. just like the other1 its not perfect but it shows my thoughts and who i am. i hope you like it and feel the same way as i felt when i wrote it. when life gets bad just remember that there is some1 out there struggling along with you.



everyone is running
running all around
a little girl sits quietly
she doesn't make a sound

no one will stop running
their wasting precious time
she whispers to me softly
this should be a crime

she said

maybe things would be different
if i could slow down time
maybe daddy wouldn't drink
and Mommy wouldn't hide

maybe i could have a friend
that wouldn't make me cry
maybe my little brother
wouldn't have to die

and maybe my big sister
wouldn't drive so fast
and this past thanksgiving dinner
wouldn't be her last

i wish that i could change the world
with a miracle from above
i wish that maybe someone
could share with me their love

this story never happened
but it really makes me think
every little voice
should have their chance to speak

if we all would take our time
and listen to the world
maybe we could make a difference
for every boy and girl

The Reflection

i like to write poetry so i wrote this poem my first week of high school and this poem just kinda lets you dip into my thoughts of those first few days. I'm not the best poet and it doesn't all rime and I'm sure that i messed something up. but that's OK with me. this poem tells you more about me than i could ever tell you myself. Enjoy!



i looked into the mirror
i saw a face
a face i had never seen before
a beautiful face
a face that goes way beyond outward appearance
beyond the struggle
beyond the pain
no stress
no strain

a face that cares not what others say
but a face who lives to cease the day
a face that has been washed clean
a face that not enough people have seen

as i stare into the eyes
of this image i see
i long so badly
for this image to be me
i want people to see
what this reflection shows
a part of me nobody knows

a new reflection
a new start
all secrets out
I've done my part

searching for the things i need
to stand out in this blended scene

love and care
we all lack
I'm moving forward
no turning back

again i look into the mirror
i see a face
but this time
the face i see
i recognize it
its me

SORRY!

I'm sooooooooooo sorry!!!!!!!!! i haven't put anything new on here 4 like ever!!! well that's goN 2 change! I'll write so much you'll get sick of me!

@ the E.R..............AGAIN!!!

OK the first night i went they said i Had a virus and my little episodes should stop but if i had more lasting over 1 minute to come in again. so last night i went 2 the E.R. after having 3 episodes that evening. they didn't do any of the same things they did the night before leading me to believe that they had not yet found the cause of my episodes. after a while they got an x-ray and a lady from the respiratory team gave me a breathing treatment and my nurse game me a horrible tasting medicine and a slightly painful shot. a little while latter the nurse came in and started giving me my meds and prescriptions. then i asked her what it was i had and if it was the virus like they had said the night before. she said it wasn't a virus, what it really is, is bronchitis and Asama and what was making me have all of the Asama attacks was the stress of the first one and feeling like i couldn't do anything cuz i felt so week from the bronchitis. so I'm real sick right now but the doctor said that as long as i take my inhaler with me every where i go i and i take my antibiotic today i can be back on my feet and out of the house by Friday (aka 2marrow) oh i forgot to tell you but I'm over the pink eye (well they think its pink eye i just think it was sore but whatever the doctors say. lol)

I've been thinking

I've been thinking lately about why everything seems to happen 2 my family. i gave it a lot of though and while i was thinking i thought of a quote from the movie facing the giants when David said if god wanted me to do great things then why did he make me so small and so week? then his dad turned 2 him and said because that shows how mighty and strong he is.

i thought about that for a while and i thought that maybe the reason we get sick and face all these trials is because when god dose something magnificent in our lives it will be an obvious work of god! maybe that's why some people aren't as strong or as tall. we just need 2 praise him through the good times and the bad and trust that he will shine through our lives!

i don't know if all i said is completely accurate but i just thought i would share some of my thoughts with you. i hope you enjoyed them!

biblebabe

sick again

i went 2 the E.R. again last night cuz i would have little episodes where i would start gasping 4 air. the doctors office said they couldn't take me cuz they couldn't test me for my breathing. the doctor @ the E.R. told me that i have a virus and pink eye. but i still need prayer cuz they said that if i have another episode lasting longer than 60seconds then it can be more serious than just a virus and i would need to go in for observation and heart monitoring 4 about 1 week. so pray that if it is more serious that they can find it. so keep me in your prayers but so far so good!

biblebabe

why women cry

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him. "I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will." Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?" "All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say. The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry . Finally he put in a call to God. When God answered, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?" God said: "When I made the woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly. I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly. And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed." "You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides." I hope ya'lls enjoyed this!


(this was copied by someone else)

something 2 think about

One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just departed from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. "Yes, sir, I just caught a World full of people down there. I set me a trap and used a little bait. I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!" "What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked. Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!" "And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked. "Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly. "How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked "Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. See, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you then kill you. You don't want those people!!" "How much?" He asked again. Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your blood, tears, and your life." Jesus said without hesitation, "DONE!" Then He paid the price. - Isn't it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the World's going to Hell? - Isn't it funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan? - Isn't it funny how you can repost a thousand jokes through bulletins and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending bulletins regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing? - Isn't it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me. - I pray, for everyone who reposts this, they will be blessed by God in a way special for them - And send it back to the person who sent it, to let them know that indeed it was sent out to many more. - If You Love God... And, are not ashamed of all the marvelous things HE has done for you... ~Repost this as ~"Read only if you have time for God

(this was copied off of faithfreaks and i did not write this)

Burn!!!

One day a 6 year old was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: Teacher: Tommy do you see the tree outside? Tommy: Yes. Teacher: Tommy, do you see the grass outside? Tommy: Yes. Teacher: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky. Tommy: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky. Teacher: Did you see God? Tommy: No. Teacher: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He just doesn't exist. A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Little girl: Tommy, do you see the tree outside? Tommy:Yes Little girl: Tommy do you see the grass outside? Tommy: Yessssss! Little girl: Did you see the sky? Tommy: Yessssss! Little girl: Tommy, do you see the teacher? Tommy: Yes. Little girl: Do you see her brain? Tommy: No. Little girl: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she must not have one! BURN! "FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT" 2 CORINTHIANS 5:7

(this was copied off of faithfreaks & not written by me)

ME IN A NUTSHELL!!

I'M TOLD THAT I'M REAL CRAZY, I'M TOLD TO BE RANDOM, EVERY ONE SAYS THAT I'M FUN, THEY SAY I NEVER MAKE ANY SENSE, BUT PEOPLE CAN ONLY SEE THE OUTSIDE. THE ONLY PART OF THE INSIDE THAT PEOPLE CAN SEE IS THE PART OF THE INSIDE I SHOW! AND I MY INSIDE LOVES THE LORD LOVES MY FRIENDS LOVES MY FAMILY AND LOVES IT WHEN I CAN MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY!! IF ONLY MORE PEOPLE CARED ABOUT THE INSIDE! WELL THAT'S ALL 4 NOW1 HOPE YOU KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!! :-P

CHRISTIAN MYSPACE?

ITS TRUE FAITHFREAKS.COM IS A COOL CHRISTIAN WEBSITE! BEING ONLINE YOU ALWAYS NEED 2 BE CAREFUL BUT ITS A GREAT MYSPACE ALTERNATIVE!! ON MY SITES 2 GO 2 YOU CAN CLICK ON FAITHFREAKS/BIBLEBABE 2 SEE MY SITE OR GO TO FAITHFREAKS.COM/BIBLEBABE

PRAISE THE LORD!

HEY BLOGGERS,
SORRY I'VE BEEN MISSING 4 A WHILE.
MY DAD, KICKSTAND WENT 2 THE HOSPITAL ON JUNE 1ST. IT TURNED OUT THAT HE HAD A NON-CANCEROUS TUMOR GROWING FOR 29 YEARS THAT CAUSED A HOLE IN THE BONE THAT SURROUNDS THE BRAIN AND A DANGEROUS STAFF INFECTION!! WE SPENT A LONG TIME AWAY IN INDIANAPOLIS SO THE DOCTORS COULD PREPARE MY DAD FOR MAJOR SURGERY. THEY SAID THAT AT ANY POINT INFECTION COULD SPREAD TO THE BRAIN CAUSING MANY DANGERS INCLUDING DEATH! THIS WAS A SCARY THING. ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT FOR THOSE 2 WEEKS WAS WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS? WHAT IF MY DAD DOESN'T MAKE IT? I HAD 2 LEAN ON THE LORD MORE THAN I EVER EXPECTED! I KNOW MY BLOG IS NORMALLY FILLED WITH FUN & CRAZY THINGS SO I APOLOGIZE FOR ALL THE DRAMA, BUT I AM PROUD TO REPORT THAT MY DAD GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL THE FIRST MORNING AFTER SURGERY AND MY DAD WAS DRIVING HOME !!!!!! ( well at least until the car broke down). THE SIGNIFICANCE OF HIS RECOVERY IS MORE THAN I CAN EVEN EXPLAIN!!!!!! THE LORD IS SO AMAZING AND I PRAY THAT HE WILL DO THE SAME MIRACLES IN YOUR LIFE AS HE DID IN OURS. THE LORD PROMISED THAT HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE US NOR FORSAKE US AND HE HAS PROVEN THAT IN MY LIFE ALONG WITH MANY!!


THANKS FOR LISTENING
BIBLEBABE


P.S. KEEP US IN YOUR PRAYERS AS MY DAD STILL RECOVERS. OH, AND ILL TRY 2 CUT DOWN ON THE DRAMA!!!

!?!FRESHMEN YEAR!?!

I JUST COMPLETED JUNIOR HIGH AND I'VE BEEN HOME SCHOOLED 4 THE LAST 2 YEARS SO I'M REALLY SCARED BUT EXCITED @ THE SAME TIME. I WANT 2 GO BUT I'M SO SCARED I MEAN WHAT IF I'M DUMBER THAN THE OTHERS OR SMARTER THAN THE OTHERS WHAT IF I SIT DOWN @ LUNCH AND EVERYONE GETS UP AND MOVES!!! THIS IS WHAT KEEPS REPEATING IN MY MIND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. BUT THEN I FINALLY REALIZED THAT I CAN KEEP WORRYING ABOUT THIS AND BE TERRIFIED OR I CAN STOP GETTING SCARED AND JUST GO OUT AND LIVE AND DEAL WITH THINGS AS THEY COME! IF YOUR SCARED ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL JUST REMEMBER THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS SCARED TOO. SO JUST PRAY AND LET GOD HELP YOU IF YOU KEEP CLOSE WITH GOD NOTHING ELSE CAN GET IN YOUR WAY JUST STAND FIRM WITH WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN CUZ NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU. JUST REMEMBER THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE! I WILL LET YOU KNOW HOW MY FIRST DAY GOES SO LEAVE A COMMENT ABOUT YOUR FRESHMEN YEAR OR TELL ME WHAT YOUR SCARED ABOUT FOR SCHOOL NEXT YEAR AND MAYBE YOU'LL SEE YOUR ADVICE OR STORY ON ONE OF MY POSTS AND MAYBE IT WILL HELP SOMEONE OUT!!!

SCRAP BOOKING

A SCRAP BOOK IS A NICE WAY OF PLACING PICTURES ON A PAGE. SCRAP BOOKS ARE MADE 2 B MEMORIES OF THE THINGS YOU LOVE PUT ONTO YOUR OWN PAGES. WHAT DO YOU PUT ON A PAGE? WHAT TYPE OF MEMORY IS QUALIFIED 4 ITS OWN PAGE?
THESE R THE QUESTIONS I ASK MYSELF. I WANT MY PAGE TO MEAN SOMETHING. I WANT PEOPLE 2 SEE WHAT I HAVE DONE AND KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT ME. YOUR PROBABLY THINKING THAT SCRAP BOOKING ISN'T THAT IMPORTANT & YOUR RIGHT, BUT WHO YOU ARE IS IMPORTANT AND THOUGH A PAGE OF MEMORIES HOLDS JUST A TINY PART OF YOUR LIFE IT SHOWS WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU WANT 2 B.

LET ME KNOW

SOME OF THE MUSIC VIDEOS ON THIS PAGE WILL CHANGE BE ADDED OR REPLACED WITHOUT MY KNOWING SO IF YOU SEE ANYTHING INAPPROPRIATE LET ME KNOW SO I CAN GET RID OF IT ILL KEEP MY EYE OUT FOR THEM AS WELL THANKS!

SONG 2 LISTEN 2

IVE BEEN LISTENING TO A GREAT SONG CALLED THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND BY THE CHRISTIAN MUSIC SINGER SAWYER BROWN YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS SONG. YOU CAN HEAR IT ON WFRN AND I THINK YOU CAN ALSO HEAR IT ON PULSE. ITS A GREAT SONG! TELL ME IF YOU LIKE IT!

A GREAT WOMAN & A WONDERFUL MOM

(in honor of mothers day)
MY MOM HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH. WHEN SHE WAS A CHILD SHE WAS BEATEN ALL THE TIME. IF I COULD NAME OFF A LIST OF THINGS THAT COULD MAKE MY LIFE SEEM LIKE A REAL BIG DEAL MY MOMS PROBABLY HAD TO DEAL WITH MOST OF THOSE.
MY MOM WROTE HER TESTIMONY OF SOME OF THE THINGS THAT SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH WILE BEING A MOTHER AND MY MOM DOESN'T KNOW THIS BUT I'M LETTING YOU READ IT :


His Ways are much higher than mine.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9

As a child I dreamed of being a mother. I had such a rough childhood, and pictured being in the arms of someone loving and comforting. I decided then that when I was older I would be an awesome mom. I wanted to be loving, gentle and kind, to be everything to my children that they needed me to be.

Many moons later after marrying my prince the time had come. Expecting my first child
I was so very excited. It didn’t come without many complications however. After 6 weeks of ongoing labor, bed rest and in and out of the hospital. My miracle arrived; God had blessed us with our little Tara Marie. She had many shots of steroids, which had helped a lot. She ended up weighing 5lb.s 10oz. She had to have oxygen at the beginning; she was jaundice and was admitted back into the hospital at 1 week old due to an infection. But nonetheless God had touched our lives and filled our hearts with this amazing gift.

Well shortly after Tara we found that we were expecting yet again on Tara’s birthday. But we never made it to the due date. This pregnancy started out wonderful and pretty much stayed that way until she was born. Tara and I got an ok from my doctor to go see my grandma who lived about 7 hours away. She was having hip trouble so I was going to help out. However about 5 hours into the trip I started hemorrhaging. I got to my grandmas and ended up in the hospital. While in labor I was nursing Tara who was 3 days under 9 months old. My grandma could’nt take care of her because of her hip. So between the nurses and me we managed. Scott and his parents headed to meet me. The doctor came in and said they had to take the baby. If they didn’t they said the baby and I would both die. I begged them not to take her, but they said I couldn’t make that decision because I was loosing so much blood that I wasn’t making a smart decision. They rushed me to the operating room and opened me up and at that moment my husband walked in. I was so relieved. They had made the incision and pulled her out in 60 seconds. Scott and I were shocked, as she was so very small. 1lb. 9 oz. to be exact. They took me to my room and later brought Kayla into the room in a closed Islet, they brought her to me to say goodbye before they could airlift her to Columbus children’s hospital. When I looked at her she had this little strap thing around her stomach that looked like a rubber band I asked the nurse what it was and she replied it was her seatbelt, at that moment I fell apart. The seriousness of the moment broke me. I talked the doctors in to letting me out of the hospital the next day to go to my Kayla. When Scott and I arrived there were lots of people around her she almost died the first night. Kayla had many of ups and downs each day. After about 11 days they said she was stable and expected her to live. Scott and I needed to go back to Indiana and pick up Tara and some clothes and come back. We drove to a church and asked if they would visit Kayla while we were gone and they said yes. We went home and stayed 2 nights. The morning before thanksgiving we were getting ready to go and see Kayla. I called several times a day those 2 days to check on her and that morning something did not feel right, when I asked the nurse about Kayla. So I called her again and asked her point blank, she said Kayla took a turn for the worse and probably would not make it till we got their. She didn’t want to tell us because we had a 4 and ½ hour trip ahead of us. Scott and I took off immediately. At that time Scott worked for wfrn radio, and 3 times before driving out of the radio listening area we heard them begging the listeners for prayer and saying unless God intervened Kayla would die. Scott and I made the trip in 3 hours. When we got to the sink to wash in the doctor met us and said theirs nothing we can do. Scott and I went to our baby who was very blue, they kept her alive till we got there with a hand held bag. Scott and I dropped to our knees tears streaming praying to God. Kayla went to be with Jesus moments later on Nov. 24th 1993.

I’d prepared for the possibly that she could die, but hadn’t expected it. I told myself as we made the drive, that with all the prayers that had been offered, no matter what the outcome, God had put his blessing on this. So as we lay there crying I didn’t feel Gods tears with us, He had known what was best for Kayla, and for us. So why should God cry? I believed that my God did what he thought was best. Although we were struggling with grief, He felt no doubts, no pain, and no regrets.

Weeks passed and God opened up our eyes. The all-knowing God that took our baby was also an all-loving God. I saw us again huddled there on the floor as he wrapped us in his arms and released a loud moan over the parents of a little girl that they were sure to miss. A little girl they were sure to love. His sorrow came not for Kayla, they came for us.

Then after getting a birth control shot I got pregnant again in march. This pregnancy was by far the hardest. I hemorrhaged pretty much the whole pregnancy; all of the children were premature due to something called placenta abruption. This is where the placenta tears away from the uterus. I was in and out of the hospital the whole pregnancy, however at 19and ½ weeks I was admitted for the remainder of the time. Every day was very long, my husband stayed by my side as we almost delivered every day. When you have abruptions you contract most of the time. I was on very dangerous meds to try and keep from delivering. After many blood transfusions, very little sleep I gave birth to precious 1lb.91/2oz. Tyler Samuel. What a sweet baby. Tyler’s life was full of ups and downs. The first month very difficult but did then improve. At 4 months old after 3 or 4 home visits and living at the hospital nursing my baby Tyler came home with monitors oxygen and lots of meds and a nurse would come a few hours a day. After about 62 hours at home Tyler’s alarm went off (it often did but usually it was a false alarm as they are very sensitive) this time it was for real. Tyler was blue. I did CPR while Scott drove just a mile down the street to the hospital. Goshen wasn’t used to a 4 lb. Baby so they didn’t have the right equipment. So the nurses and Scott and I bagged him. They sent Tyler by ambulance back to South Bend Memorial and then to Riley. Tyler didn’t struggle with just one disability, he fought many. He was blind, deaf, had a tracheotomy, a shunt, brain hemorrhages, rickets, four rectal prolepses, and possibly cerebral palsy and retardation. I remember one of the doctors at Riley’s Children Hospital, telling us that they have seen all of this before, but never all in the same child. Doctors were good at giving us statistics. If ninety-seven percent were one way, Tyler was always in the other three percent. After surgeries, and sedation every four hours the next four months and many prayers the doctors at Riley were convinced that Tyler would not survive and if he did he would be sedated and miserable. We had many doctors’ specialists etc. Examine Tyler to be sure. Out of about 50 people it was unanimous. They all gave no hope for Tyler. After lots of prayer Scott and I decided to take all tubes and machines tracheas etc off of Tyler and leave it into Gods hands we knew that if Tyler was to live the tubes and machines being stopped would not stop God, and it was time to give it completely into His hands. After taking all the machines and tubes off they let me dress my son. They took me and Scott and Tyler along with our pastor and the doctor into a room and 1st they gave Tyler some pain med so he wouldn’t suffer and for thirty minutes we held our precious baby we showered him with kisses hugs and prayers and many tears and ushered him into the presence of God. As Tyler took his last breath I handed him to Scott. That was the first time since his birth that I saw my son without tubes and without a struggle. God took yet one more sweet and precious child home to heaven. Our son had lots of love, not only from us, but the nurses loved him too. Tyler had plenty of prayer, not just from us, but also from the whole community. Sometimes as time passes, we can look back with greater understanding, we see how God was working. Tyler went to be with Jesus May 23 1995.

After Tyler died I went to IU med center and had more tests done to see why I had so much trouble carrying my children and see if their was anything we could do to insure a healthy pregnancy. At that time they gave me a plan for trying again. Dec. of 1995 I got pregnant and it seemed to be going great! I was 4 ½ months along and began bleeding once again. Scott and I went to the doctor and found out that we had miscarried. Our baby that Tara had nicked named little foot had also gone home to be with Jesus in April of 1996. I had a lot of sadness over all of the loss in my life yet a joy that I still had a beautiful sweet little girl. But I still had a void that I could not fill. I cried out to God time and time again. In December of 1996 God gave Scott and I a word of encouragement in the prophetic nature through our daughter Tara. She was 6weeks shy of 4 years old. She came and sat on our lap and said mommy I’m going to have a brother and a sister. I want a sister 1st but I’m going to get a brother 1st from your tummy then I’m going to get a sister that does not come from your tummy because God loves babies that don’t come from our tummies too. Well little did I know, but 2 weeks later found out that we were indeed expecting. This pregnancy started off a little rough with spotting and stuff but wasn’t too bad. At 16 weeks, IU med center wanted to run some tests. 2 days later at night I got a call from my doctor. They had finally found the problem. I had antiphospholipid syndrome. That is an antibody in the body that treats the baby as if it is a foreign body and fights against it and tries to expel it. Most people have miscarriages early on with this. But for me my antibodies grew the longer I was pregnant. They started by getting me a nurse that checked in with me every 2 to 3 days. They taught me how to give myself steroid shots into my stomach 2 times a day and gave me some other meds. They also hooked me up to a contraction belt at home and monitored me. The treatment bought me a few more weeks than with the other 2 early births. At 29 weeks on July 3rd Cameron Scott was born. He weighed 2 lbs 1oz. Cameron was stronger than the others but still had many ups and downs. He had both retinas detach and had surgery on both. PTL it was successful. He also had premature lungs that caused some struggles. Cam was in the hospital 10 weeks and Thank the Lord He came home to us. What a blessing. Tara was right. God gave us a son and gave her a brother. When Cam was 1 year old we found out that Cam was deaf. Yes this has been very difficult but Cam is very healthy and as many of you know very active!!!! What a blessing he is to our life and we thank God for this miracle.

After Cam was born I ended up having a hysterectomy. They went in for an ovary and found severe endometriosis and cysts and benign tumors all over, and ended up taking it all. So I can no longer have children, as Tara would say from my tummy however Scott and I still have the desire for a daughter if God does indeed desire to bless us with that awesome treasure. God has indeed been faithful he has worked through these situations many times. I know that some struggle in other areas, some have trouble getting pregnant, and I don’t know why that is and I ache for them as well. I do know however that God is God and through the good times and the bad times I will praise Him! He never said it would be easy, He only said that he would never leave me nor forsake me. And that He would never give me more than I can handle. God’s ways are indeed higher than mine and I thank Him for that because as hard as it has all been I would not trade these experiences for anything, they have helped to make me who I am and they have given me 2 living children who bring me such joy and 3 children who I am honored to have got to know and blessed to have shared in their short life. The mark these tiny footprints have made on my heart will last a lifetime. I thank God for holding my hand and helping through each day. And most of all for the hope I have in Christ that I will see them again on the other side, but until then my sweet Kayla, precious Tyler and dearest little foot are safe in the arms of my Father, my friend and my God!!!


THAT WAS MY MOMS STORY AND I HOPE IT TOUCHED YOUR HEART AS IT DID MINE. MY MOM IS A FAITHFUL CHRISTIAN A HOME SCHOOL TEACHER A ONE OF THE GREATEST PEOPLE YOU COULD EVER MEET!

I HEART PIGS

I LOVE PIGS!!! I DECIDED 2 START A PIG COLLECTION. SO FAR I ONLY HAVE 1 STUFFED ANIMAL PIG! SO IF YOU CAN HELP ME AND TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND THINGS 4 MY COLLECTION LEAVE A COMMENT! I LOVE PIGS SOOOO MUCH AND I HOPE 2 SOMEDAY HAVE A REAL PIG AND A MINNI BARN!! LIKE MY DAD WOULD EVER LET THAT HAPPEN! OH WELL, I CAN STILL DREAM CANT I? I HEART PIGS!!!!


PIGS ROCK!!!!

IM FREE!!!!

HEY PEOPLE!!!! I FINALLY GOT MY LIFE BACK!!!!(WELL KIND OF) I WAS LOCKED UP IN MY HOUSE 4 ALMOST 2 WEEKS & I STILL AM I GUSS BUT NOW I HAVE MY FRIENDS 2!! I WILL B ABLE 2 GO 2 CHURCH 2MAROW!!! I CANT WAIT 2 ACTUALLY BE IN A DIFFERENT BUILDING WITH REAL PEOPLE!!! I'M SOOOOOO HAPPY!!

????A MISTAKE????

i just got a call from the ER AND THEY MADE A MISTAKE!!!! ITS NO VIRUS ITS MONO!! I THOUGHT YOU COULD GET MONO FROM KISSING SOMEONE AND IVE NEVER KISSED BUT THEY SAID THAT I COULD GET IT FROM BEING NEAR SOMEONE WHO HAS IT. SO I'M CONTAGIOUS 4 A FEW MORE DAYS BUT THEN I CAN BE WITH PEOPLE BUT ILL STILL FEEL A LITTLE (???OR MAYBE A LOT???)SICK. KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS!

LAST NIGHT IN THE E.R.

Monday afternoon i noticed a purple dotted rash along the side of my arm and it was starting 2 hurt so we said we would watch it 2 see if it grew.
the next day i felt awful and there were a few more dots than be4. i was very sick so my mom took me 2 a walk in doctor cuz i told her that we would get in fast get medicine and get out so we did and they took one look @ me and my rash then said i was 2 sick 4 their care and so we went to leave when they took my mom aside and said get her there NOW!!! i Guss i didn't know i was that bad so we went 2 the ER and it turned out 2 be that i had a virus and was dehydrated. so they fixed me up and a few hours later i was back @ home asleep in my own bed!! i was lucky 2 have responded well 2 the I.V. so i didn't need to spend the night! I'm still tired and felling ill so i would appreciate you prayer 4 a speedy recovery.

THANK YOU
ME

FRIENDS OR SISTERS?

SOMETIMES FRIENDS FIGHT SOMETIMES FRIENDS EVEN GET TIRED OF EACH OTHER AND SOMETIMES FRIENDS GET SO CLOSE THEY AREN'T EVEN FRIENDS ANY MORE. LET ME EXPLAIN, I HAVE MY BEST FRIENDS THEN I HAVE OTHERS THAT DON'T SEEM LIKE FRIENDS. YOU JUST GET SO CLOSE THAT YOU CANT SEEM TO IMAGINE YOU ANYTHING OTHER THAN SISTERS! YOU DON'T NEED 2 BE TOGETHER ALL THE TIME BUT YOU CANT BE APART ETHER. YOU SEE I DON'T HAVE ANY SISTERS AND THOUGH WE DISAGRE WITH EACH OTHER AND DONT ALWAYS HAVE THE GRATEST TIMES WE WE ARE ALWAYS GONA BE SISTERS!

i recommend

i recommend my dads blog. he has many great ideas and stories! i have his blog in my go 2 area under kickstand!!!

IM TIRED

I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TIRED!!!!!! I'M SO TIRED I CANT EVEN THINK!! I WENT 2 THIS THING CALLED SPRING RIOT LAST NIGHT! WE DIDN'T GET THERE TILL 10:00 & GOT HOME @ 7:30 & WE DIDN'T SLEEP AT ALL!!!!

I'M SO TIRED

!!SUNKISS!!

HEY MY NICKNAME IS SUNKISS I GOT MY NICKNAME FROM A SLUMBER PARTY. ONE OF THE GIRLS WAS DRINKING A SUNKIST SODA, SHE LOOKED @ THE POP CAN & SAID WOULDN'T THIS MAKE A GREAT HIPPIE NAME SO I MADE A WEIRD VOICE AND HAND MOTION & SAID HI I'M SUNKIST SO THEN THAT WAS MY NAME 4 THE DAY BUT I DIDN'T WANT 2 B A COPY CAT SO I CHANGED IT 2 SUNKISS & NOW IT IS MY NICKNAME!

SO IF YOU KNOW ME CALL ME SUNKISS

HEART SUNKISS!!

A FUN LITTLE STORY

last night @ youth group we had some new people & after exchanging names a friend & i took them 4 a tour then one of the girls said, with a laugh & a grin, U scare me. i laughed along with all the other girls & we went on with the tour. i thought that from now on i should try 2 calm down B4 meeting someone new! ha ha!!
i think that when i told them my name was Sunkiss (with a weird voice) i kind of freaked them out but they still kinda hung out with me so they didn't think i was all that scary!

!!FROM ME!!

any1 can comment!!

ive made it so any1 can add a comment blog or no blog so you can leave comments!!

JUST AN INCOMING THOUGHT FROM ME

A FRIEND OF MINE RECENTLY GOT DUMPED BY HER BOYFRIEND & SHE WAS SHOCKED & COMPLETELY CRUSHED. THEY WOULD TALK ON THE PHONE EVERY DAY & SHE DIDN'T EXPECT IT.
IVE ALWAYS SAID THAT I DIDN'T WANT 2 DATE (OR AS THEY SAY"GO OUT") UNTIL AT LEAST AFTER HIGH SCHOOL OR MAYBE EVEN COLLAGE. I KNEW THAT WAS THE PLAN BUT I DIDN'T EXACTLY KNOW WHY. IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS AFTER HEARING THIS & MANY OTHER SIMILAR STORIES. I'M NOT SAYING THAT ITS BAD 2 DATE YOUNG I'M JUST SAYING THAT IF YOUR READY TO GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP YOU NEED TO BE READY 4 IT TO END. BEFORE GETTING SERIOUS WITH ANYONE MAKE SURE YOU YOU'VE GOT YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT BECAUSE IT'S NEVER HEALTHY 2 PUT HIM FIRST & WHEN IT'S OVER IT WILL BE EASIER TO GIVE UP.
NOW I'M NO SOCIOLOGIST AND I DON'T HAVE MUCH EXPERIENCE IN THE BOYFRIEND THING BUT I DO THINK THAT YOU SHOULD MAKE SURE YOU CAN HANDLE WHAT YOU GET INTO.

JUST AN INCOMING THOUGHT FROM ME!!

P.S. I CARE ABOUT YOU ALL EVEN IF I DON'T KNOW YOU!!

PLAY THE MONKEY KICK OFF GAME

IM PRAYING 4 U!

YO WAT UP PEEPS! OK MAYBE I CANT DO THE WHOLE GANGSTER THING BUT HOWEVER I SAY IT I WANT 2 C HOW U GUYS R DOING AND EVEN THOUGH I DON'T KNOW U I WILL B PRAYING 4 U!!

THE TRUE TEST OF FRIENDSHIP

THROUGHOUT MY LIFE IVE HAD MANY FRIENDS. SOME OF THEM WERN'T ALWAYS THAT GREAT WHILE OTHERS HAVE ALWAYS HAD MY BACK. BUT IT WASN'T UNTIL RECENTLY THAT I FIGURED OUT WHAT IT WAS LIKE T KNOW THAT YOUR FRIENDS REALLY DO CARE FOR YOU.

NOW OK MAYBE I DID KNOW THEY CARED BUT WHEN THINGS HAPPEN AND THEY SEE YOU CRY WHAT WOULD BE THEIR FIRST REACTION?

WHAT WOULD BE YOUR FRIENDS FIRST REACTION:

DUDE WHAT R U CRYING 4?

OH POOR YOU

WHATS UP WITH YOU?

ARE YOU OK WHAT HAPPENED?

OR WOULD THEY COME AND GIVE YOU A GREAT BIG HUG THEN TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE PRIVATE SO YOU CAN TALK

MY FRIENDS R THE BOTTOM 2 THEY ARE TRUE FRIENDS I WOULD LIKE 2 KNOW ABOUT UR FRIEND SITUATION SO LEAVE A COMMENT

GOOD MORNING READERS!!

GOOD MORNING READERS!! ITS ME TARA (BIBLEBABE) AGAIN WISHING YOU A GREAT MORNING!

HAVE YOU EVER WENT OUTSIDE AND WONDER WHERE THINGS COME FROM?

OR HOW THE WORLD GOT STARTED?

THOUGH IT MAY BE HARD TO UNDERSTAND GOD MADE IT. HE MADE IT ALL!!

YOU MAY BE ASKING WELL IF GOD MADE THEM WHERE DID HE COME FROM?

WELL THE TRUTH IS THAT HE DIDN'T COME FROM ANY WHERE. IT SEEMS A LITTLE FAR FETCHED BUT ITS TRUE HES ALWAYS BEEN HERE. SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THE WORLD CAME FROM ADAMS BUT IF THAT'S SO THEN WHERE DID THE ADAMS COME FROM?

I'M NOT SHARING THIS TO PICK ANY FIGHTS I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT SO PLEASE SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS.

LOVE TARA

JUST BEING ME!!

"WORKING"(SO WE SAY) 2 MAKE FOOD FOR OUR CHURCH!! EVEN THOUGH MOST PEOPLE WOULD GET BOARD 2 DEATH, WHEN WE'RE 2GETHER WE'RE RARELY EVER BOARD!!(2006)

MY MINNI MOVIE REVIEWS

I POSTED SOME MUSIC VIDEOS ON MY SITE AND HERE IS WHAT I THINK:

A LINK OF 4 VIDEOS BY CARRIE UNDERWOOD

ALL 4 VIDEOS R OF THE SONG DON'T FORGET 2 REMEMBER ME
THOUGH I'M NOT A BIG COUNTRY FAN I REALLY ENJOYED THIS SONG! MY FAVORITE CLIP IS THE MUSIC VIDEO. ITS THE ONE ON THE TOP.

NEXT R THE VIDEOS BY SWITCHFOOT

I HAVEN'T HAD THE CHANCE 2 SEE THEM ALL BUT I LOVE THEIR SONGS
AND I HOPE YOU DO 2.

BARLOWGIRL VIDEOS

BARLOWGIRL IS A GOOD GROUP THOUGH I DO FIND THEIR VIDEO 4 NEVER ALONE A LITTLE STRANGE THEY HAVE GREAT SONGS AND THEIR VIDEOS R ALSO PRETTY KOOL.

THE 7 JONAS BROTHER VIDEOS

THE JONAS BROTHERS R 1 OF MY FAVORITE BANDS AND THE VIDEOS R GREAT! WELL MOST OF THEM . YEAH SOME OF THEM R A LITTLE CORNY AND OTHERS A LITTLE WEIRD I JUST CANT GET ENOUGH!

TOBY MAC ALSO HAS SOME VIDEOS

ALL OF TOBY MAC'S 5 VIDEOS R GOOD BUT I LOVE THE SONG HYPE MAN.
HIS SON TRUEDOG SINGS WITH HIM & HIS VOICE IS SO CUTE & ADORABLE!


THOSE R MY THOUGHTS BUT I'D LIKE 2 HEAR YOUS SO POST A COMMENT!!!

!!THANKS!!

HEY I JUST WANT 2 THANK U 4 VIEWING MY BLOG!! I WOULD LOVE IT IF U WERE 2 LEAVE ME A COMMENT AND TELL ME WHAT U WOULD LIKE 2 SEE IN YOUR NEXT VISIT 2 MY BLOG AND IT MIGHT JUST B THERE!!! ALSO TELL ME THE THINGS THAT U DON'T LIKE SO I CAN MAKE IT BETTER!!!!

LOVE
TARA!!

A GREAT READ

After A Few Of The Usual Sunday Evening Hymns, The Church's Pastor Slowly Stood Up, Walked Over To The Pulpit And, Before He Gave His Sermon For The Evening, He Briefly Introduced A Guest Minister Who Was In The Service That Evening. In The Introduction, The Pastor Told The Congregation That The Guest Minister Was One Of His Dearest Childhood Friends And That He Wanted Him To Have A Few Moments To Greet The Church And Share Whatever He Felt Would Be Appropriate For The Service. With That, An Elderly Man Stepped Up To The Pulpit And Began To Speak. "A Father, His Son, And A Friend Of His Son Were Sailing Off The Pacific Coast," He Began. "When A Fast Approaching Storm Blocked Any Attempt To Get Back To The Shore. The Waves Were So High, That Even Though The Father Was An Experienced Sailor, He Could Not Keep The Boat Upright And The Three Were Swept Into The Ocean As The Boat Capsized." The Old Man Hesitated For A Moment, Making Eye Contact With Two Teenagers Who Were, For The First Time Since The Service Began, Looking Somewhat Interested In His Story. The Aged Minister Continued With His Story, "grabbing A Rescue Line, The Father Had To Make The Most Excruciating Decision Of His Life: To Which Boy Would He Throw The Other End Of The Life Line. He Only Had Seconds To Make The Decision. The Father Knew That His Son Was A Christian And He, Also, Knew That His Son's Friend Was Not. The Agony Of His Decision Could Not Be Matched By The Torrent Of Waves. As The Father Yelled Out, 'i Love You, Son!' He Threw Out The Life Line To His Son's Friend. By The Time The Father Had Pulled The Friend Back To The Capsized Boat, His Son Had Disappeared Beneath The Raging Swells Into The Black Of Night. His Body Was Never Recovered. By This Time, The Two Teenagers Were Sitting Up Straight In The Pew, Anxiously Waiting For The Next Words To Come Out Of The Old Minister's Mouth. "the Father," He Continued, "knew His Son Would Step Into Eternity With Jesus And He Could Not Bear The Thought Of His Son's Friend Stepping Into An Eternity Without Jesus.. Therefore, He Sacrificed His Son To Save The Son's Friend. " How Great Is The Love Of God That He Should Do The Same For Us. Our Heavenly Father Sacrificed His Only Begotten Son That We Could Be Saved. I Urge You To Accept His Offer To Rescue You And Take A Hold Of The Life Line He Is Throwing Out To You In This Service." With That, The Old Man Turned And Sat Back Down In His Chair As Silence Filled The Room. The Pastor Again Walked Slowly To The Pulpit And Delivered A Brief Sermon With An Invitation At The End. However, No One Responded To The Appeal. Within Minutes After The Service Ended, The Two Teenagers Were At The Old Man's Side. "That Was A Nice Story," Politely Stated One Of Them, "but I Don't Think It Was Very Realistic For A Father To Give Up His Only Son's Life In Hopes That The Other Boy Would Become A Christian." "well, You've Got A Point There," The Old Man Replied, Glancing Down At His Worn Bible. A Big Smile Broadened ,his Narrow Face. He Once Again Looked Up At The Boys And Said, "it Sure Isn't Very Realistic, Is It? But, I'm Standing Here Today To Tell You That Story Gives Me A Glimpse Of What It Must Have Been Like For God To Give Up His Son For Me. You See... I Was That Father And Your Pastor Is My Son's Friend."

ENJOY!!

HEY I'VE DOWNLOADED SOME GREAT VIDEOS SO JUST CLICK ON THE ONE U WANT THEN SCROLL TO THE TOP & ENJOY!!!

THIS IS MY # 1 GIRL

MY BABY (dog)

HERE IS A PICTURE OF1 OF THE MANNY ANIMALS THAT I LOVE!!!!

ABOUT ME

I'M A GIRL WHO IS ON FIRE 4 GOD. I LOVE HANGING OUT WITH MY FRIENDS AND MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY. I ALSO LOVE ANIMALS AND SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY. I HOPE THAT U FIND THIS BLOG FUN AND INTERESTING. YOU CAN B ASSURED THAT THIS BLOG IS A SAFE PLACE 4 YOUR KIDS AND TEENS 2 B VIEWING!!

WELCOME 2 MY BLOG!!!

HEY I MADE MY BLOG 2 SHARE WITH U THE THINGS THAT I THINK R TOTTALY KOOL & WORTH SHARING!!